Isolate the “But”

You know what I’m talking about … the infamous and dangerous word “but.” There are two versions of “but” that we love to use. First, is the “but” that virtually negates everything we said before it:

I don’t want to complain, but …

I don’t want to sound negative, but …

I love your idea, but …

I really want to see you, but …

I believe in you, but …

You get the idea and you know what I’m talking about. I’ve worked diligently to stop using the word “but” and it’s challenging. I rarely use it, but (oops, there it goes again) it’s engrained in our language patterns. The phrase I use that has stuck in my head and in the heads of many who’ve heard me say it is this: “Everything in front of the word “but” is a lie. Think about it and now try to keep this thought out of your head.

Today, however, I’m writing about the second version of “but” – I call it the excuse version. This is when we use the word “but” as the reason that’s in the way of what we want to do or change. Here are some examples:

I’d love to take a trip, but I don’t have enough money.

I don’t like my job, but now is not a good time for me to make a change.

I’d love to go back to school, but I don’t have enough time.

I don’t want to make this decision today, but I have to decide today because they need a decision.

I’d like to start my own business, but I can’t take the risk right now.

Sound familiar?

Before you start thinking that some of these “buts” are real, I’ll admit that there is always some reality to our “buts” (and I also believe that they’re not as real as we imagine them to be). However, for purposes of this discussion you can keep your “buts” (if you must) – but (pun intended) instead of letting them be the driver in your decisions, get them out of the way (at least for a moment) by isolating them.

Let’s look at some examples of isolating the “but” and reframing them as an “if.” 

• But As The Reason: I’d love to take a trip, but I don’t have enough money.
  • Isolated But: I’d love to take a trip and what trip would I take if money wasn’t an issue. 
• But As The Reason: I don’t like my job, but now is not a good time for me to make a change.
  • Isolated But: I don’t like my job and what would I do regarding my job if it was a good time for a change.
• But As The Reason: I’d love to go back to school, but I don’t have enough time.
  • Isolated But: I’d love to go back to school and in what ways would I approach my education if I had more time.
• But As The Reason: I don’t want to make this decision today, but I have to decide today because they need a decision.
  • Isolated But: I don’t want to make this decision today and what decision would I make if I didn’t have to make the decision today.
• But As The Reason: I’d like to start my own business, but I can’t take the risk right now.
  • Isolated But: I’d like to start my own business and this is what I would do if I could take the risk right now.

You may be thinking that this is naïve or delusional, but I’m not suggesting that your “buts” don’t have some truth in them. I’m only offering that when you make decisions with your “but” in front of you, you can’t really know what you want. In other words, your “but” invades and overtakes your decision-making process, unless you consciously isolate the “but.”

Once you get clear in your mind what you really want or want to do, then you can review your “but” with a different and more open-minded perspective. This isolation process will also help you to look differently at your “but.” Is it real? How real is it? Are there different options that will modify your “but”? And perhaps, your clear decision about what you want will propel you past and over your “but.”

In any case, isolating your “but” and converting it into an if on the front end of your decisions will help you get clearer about what you want and what really matters to you. This will be a powerful tool for you in pursuing and getting what you really want. Just remember to isolate your buts.

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